Archive | October, 2013

A job interview goes badly wrong…

27 Oct

  

Please take a seat.

Job interview – I am in you.

So you’re applying for the role of PR Executive?

<— That

What qualifications do you have?

This —>

<hands over picture>

This is a picture of a cat in an Iron Man costume?

I win at cat pictures.

How is this relevant?

Because winning.

I’m sorry?

If you only look at one picture of a cat in an Iron Man costume today, make it this one. You’re welcome

But I don’t like cats.

Wow. Just wow.

What?

LOL ROFL PMSL

OK, moving on… what would you say are your key strengths?

USING CAPITAL LETTERS TO INDICATE I AM MAKING AN INDISPUTABLE POINT

Does that work?

AT MAKING ME LOOK A KNOB-END, YES

And your weaknesses?

#hashtags #somanyhashtags #killmenow

Is that really your greatest weakness?

Yes* It is**

(*No **It isn’t)

Would you describe yourself as a team player?

Breaking: No

Do you have any relevant experience?

So this happened > I was on a bus.

You were on a bus?

YOLO

Can I see your references please?

“Let’s check up on this person’s references” – no-one ever.

So you don’t have any references?

*face palm*

Actually, it says on your CV that you were dismissed from your previous position because you could only converse in tiresome Twitter clichés?

*head desk*

And from the two roles previous to that?

#epicfail

OK. I think this has probably gone on long enough…

That thing when you screw up a job interview.

Thank you for your time.

Meh.

We’ll be in touch.

You can shove your stupid job!

I’m sorry?

#justsayin

 

 

DISCOVERED: Original first verse of Keats’ “To Autumn”

8 Oct

To Autumn

Season of moans and mundane mournfulness
Damp, dreary chum of the departing sun;
With sales at Homebase, Wickes and DFS
We search for jerseys, put the heating on;
As Strictly and XFactor make us cry 
And Downton’s half-wit plots confuse and bore
We bake a tasty Mary Berry pie
And pack our summer clothes away once more,
“Not long till Christmas now!” the jokers smile
Let’s hope their homeward journey’s blighted by
A dog-egg hiding ‘neath a leafy pile.